Almost 12 years ago, I met a brilliant man who was just a boy then, who by no stretch of the word changed my life’s course. Jarrett Hill is something of brilliance and everyone would expect a friend to say that for another, but I don’t believe it to be that simple. Things with me are never simple, just so you know now.
See when I was just a young little thing meeting someone whose personality shone the way Jarrett’s did and still does, I was nothing short of petrified. To be young is to be insecure and shaky, like a fawn struggling to use its legs for the first time. Your life is finding yourself and testing everything from the water to your parent’s patience. I could tell you all the things I wanted to be, but would stumble over my words to tell you who I actually was. Jarrett, though he may have been in my same boat of exploring his identity, didn’t let anyone see that the way I did. Being around him allowed me to open up, crack jokes and laugh during what was a very dark period in my life. I met a kindred spirit and I latched on as tight as I could. Even when we went separate ways for a while, I always had him with me.
Today, I’m anything but meek and mild. I’ve come to own who I am and who I want to be and work to bridge the gap between the two every day. I am a fat femme with an affinity for all things polka dotted, vintage, luxurious, dangerous and rich in feeling. I am fully dedicated to my self-appointed role as advocate for a better world. This means I will get on my soap box as much as my dear Jarrett will allow and speak to you about body acceptance, ignorance, racism, classism, sexism and my general love/hate relationship with pop culture. It means you’ll get a step inside my day to day, allowing you insight on what I believe to be a very small sector of publicized life…the confident, self-loving fat woman.
See, I believe I am more than just a fat woman, don’t get me wrong. The issue is that I believe most everything I do and feel is reflected in my relationship with my body, my fat body. From the obvious issue of clothing to some less obvious choices like career and music preferences, my fat body is always at the forefront. Some may immediately think this is an issue of being slave to one’s body, but I see it as the Hot Fat Girl Revolution.
My homegirl, Ani Difranco said it best when she said,
I have had something to prove
As long as I’ve had something that needs improvement
And you know every time I move
I make a woman’s movement
First you decide what you’ve gotta do
Then you go out and do it
And maybe the most that we can do
Is just to see each other through it
– “Hour Follows Hour”, Ani DiFranco.
Every time I dress in an outfit that celebrates my thighs and heavy belly and dance right in the middle of the floor…I’m making a statement. I’m letting you know happiness is tangible in whatever suitcase in which you hold your soul and that society’s negative body talk is for the birds!
The thing with being fat is, like other prejudices, they feed (no pun intended) on each other. For instance, being fat is different for women than men, African American than Caucasian, and so on and so forth. It also becomes a class issue when faced with the reality of limiting choices for moderately priced plus sized clothing, as most retailers charge for extra fabric or only carry plus size in their high end brands. When a fat person takes the elevator, they’re lazy… but when they’re on the treadmill, they’re ridiculed.
It’s very easy to get down and feel helpless in my mission, but then I remind myself that in the grand scheme of things, it was practically yesterday I couldn’t vote, wear pants and/or date a black man - and really that’s all I’ve ever wanted in life.
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the inside of my head - now, do not make any sudden movements...
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::Jessica Jarchow resides in San Diego, California and is the Office Controller and a Project Manager at American National Investments; and a Lifestyle Contributor at JarrettHill.com,
::Follow Jessica on Twitter @VelvetCloche
I love how you used Ani lyrics here, they were on point with your whole article. I would like for some of these topics to be elaborated on later! It's like every single line makes you go SNAP.
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