I'm currently reading a book my friend Jerris turned me on to called The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. It's a book about four agreements that, if you can make them with yourself, will really transform your thinking and your outlook on the world at large.
One of the agreements is a real challenge, at least it was for me at first: "Don't Take Anything Personally." If only I'd known how profound Monica was back in 1995... anyway... the book talks about how nothing anyone else does is really about us, but that whatever someone does, (what. ever. someone else does) is all about them, and has nothing to do with you. Even when someone is their very angriest with you, calls you everything but "wonderful," and has a Carrie Underwood-like session tearing apart your car - everything to do with them - nothing to do with you.
Ruiz says when someone approaches him and says how excellent they believe he is, he doesn't take it personally, while it's probably flattering. Why? Because when the same person is upset with him or dislikes something he has said or done, then they'll find much less flattering words to describe him, his personality, and his disposition. However, he has not changed, the other person has.
I've been challenging myself with this agreement lately. In my relationship, when I'm irritated with something being done, I recognize that whatever the transgression is, it's not about me, but about him. When a close friend says something that may be hurtful or no-so-friendly, rather than taking it to heart, remember who said it, and who it's really about. When someone treats me poorly in the streets, says something rude, or just has really negative energy, rather than getting upset about how someone "did me today" I try to remember "don't take anything personally."
In the end, I don't have to be upset just because somebody else is having "Just one of them days..."
j.
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